The Best Online Opener

Many guys resort to using witty or funny openers online. I did it in my time, until I arrived to the conclusion that it was a very bad idea. If you asked me why I went through that difficult exercise at the time, I had many answers ready for you. I wanted to stand out from the crowd. I thought it would demonstrate the superior power of my intellect to girls. I also thought that if a girl was pressing for some quality opener (in her profile), she would probably be of higher quality herself — whatever that meant for me a few years ago. All seemingly noble reasons to waste some precious time building that perfect magical catch phrase opener.

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The truth is uglier. I was mostly under the influence of debilitating demands exposed in front of my eyes while browsing through countless girls’ profiles. You know what I’m talking about. Aggressive reactions to an opening I didn’t even do yet…things that look like that:

“Just so you know, yes I’m fine.”

“I have countless messages every day so please be creative.”

“I don’t answer to “Hey” or “Hi” messages”

…and so on.

What they basically say is “please entertain me”. And while witty or more elaborate openers can work, you have no reason whatsoever as a man, to start your conversations with carefully crafted pieces of humor every time you like a girl’s pictures on an online dating site. The downsides are numerous.

First, you’re manipulated into investing a lot of energy right off the bat on someone you don’t know and that’s not what I would call an empowering frame. It can work, the frame can be reversed, anything can happen really, but that’s not a safe start.

First it’s time consuming — time that would be better spent going out or working on whatever personal projects you have. If you’re dating online (hopefully as an addition to your days or evenings out) you know it’s a number’s game. Don’t waste your precious time.

Second, even if you’re good at it, you’re setting up a high standard you’ll have to live up to during the next phases of the seduction process. And the less you talk, the better. The danger here, is that at one point, because you’re tired, bored, or running out of witty answers, you’ll slip. Don’t make the mistake of thinking it will go unnoticed.

Also, don’t fool yourself thinking that complying with her demands will grant you some special advantage with her in the future, or that your non compliance will annihilate your chances to make an impression later. Quite the contrary. If they look reasonably good on their online photos, girls receive hundreds of messages from men in a matter of days, sometimes hours. Your clever opener may initially leverage her attention but more oftent than not, it is short-lived. Not satisfying her demands is what sets you apart from the crowd.

And finally, with online apps like Tinder, women screen guys by looking at their pictures. They just want to check if you’re not a total idiot besides that. If you’re good looking, any spark of intelligence will do. If not, well maybe online dating is not such a good idea. I’m not making the rules, I learned it the hard way…So there’s really no point in causing yourself some brain damage into thinking long hours about a clever opener to blow her mind.

Honestly, the better online opener you could use is just “Hi”.

Just like that. No punctuation betraying some excessive enthusiasm. No clever joke about something you noticed in her pictures. You’ll have plenty of time to do that later if you think that’s a good idea. It conveys some minimum investment from your part and won’t vacuum your free time. It’s respectful and polite. And the frame is neutral at this point. You’re engaging the conversation, because it’s your job as a man, without exposing any prominent intention at that point. You’re beginning the process of assessing her worth through her answers (as she surely does with yours).

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I’ve occasionally run into some rude girls early at this point. Ironically, those specimens of poor education and character will mock you or scold you for using that simple “Hi”, without reciprocating it. Be merciless with them. On Tinder, the right course of action is to unmatch them instantly without the privilege of an answer.  Anywhere else on the web, stopping all communication will do. She might start to question her behavior and you’ll deny her the pleasure of dismissing you instantly as “not the right guy”. Don’t sweat it though, you’ll be better moving on to the next girl.

A night at the Opera

Building on my mitigated attempts at meeting people from the previous night, I prepared myself for a famous party that takes place near the Opera. I already know the place and had some good nights here before. Still, I consider it a difficult field to game girls.

The place is classy, so most of the girls are. However, it’s your usual mixed crowd of girls with a few poorly dressed specimens wearing flip-flops and dirty sneackers. It should be noted that those are usually not the most receptive to cold opening by strangers like me.

People usually come in small groups of two to four. Of course, girls are never found alone. These small islands can be difficult to tackle and people’s attitude is usually cold early in the evening. The better condition is when the place is very crowded. Infiltrating groups then becomes really easy.

The evening has two important moments. Drinking outside while waiting for the dancefloor to open, between 22 and midnight, then dancing. The mood changes when transitioning to nightclub mode and so does the attitude of people. My guess is that drinking also has something to do with it…

I did much better than at the River’s King. Said hi to my friend at the entrance, then started talking to a lone guy while waiting in the line to order my beer. Every place I go out, there’s always that one weird individual. Dressed casual or classy style, open and friendly but lacking proper body language and bringing your energy levels down with boring topics like their job or the new constructions in their neighborhoods. Don’t nurture the conversation ! You’ve been warned. I escaped from the danger zone as soon as I had my drink at hand.

Overall, I managed to make an acceptable impression that night. Moving from one set of girls to the other without staying too long each time. Some came back later to ask me for directions, a sign that I looked comfortable here.

I had a good interaction with two sisters in particular, 20 and 22 years old, both very cute. My game was starting to produce its effects on the older one as she was showing signs of interest but time was running short. I had to go home with the last subway. I didn’t feel like taking her phone number maybe because I didn’t have time to properly game her. She was watching over her sister, who was constantly distracting her.

I also stumbled during the night on a sexy vietnamese girl who was standing there, staring at the dancefloor with an absent gaze. She was nice, but I could only understand part of what she was saying under the loud music. I tried to move her without much success and decided to leaved her to her reveries.

In the end, nothing but a positive night.

River’s King

River’s King is an interesting place. A riverboat located in the very classy 16th district of Paris. Many people come here to take dancing lessons early in the evening, before the party really starts (around 22h PM). There’s lots of space, so if dancing’s not your cup of tea, you can have some drinks on the upper deck in a more quiet atmosphere.

I’ve been there a few times and the mood is usually good. Most of the girls are classy, feminine and put some kind of effort to look good before going out. Of course, the usual disruptive elements are there too, with their flip-flops, flat shoes and sneakers, but they represent a small minority.

Arriving around 21PM I nonchalantly pointed my feet to the upper deck where I ordered a beer. A limited crowd was waiting for me. Small groups of people sitting at tables with a lot of space between them, which is not my favorite disposition. Opening them is always doable but can easily turn out to be awkward.

I settled in between two groups of girls standing at the back of the boat. While sipping my drink I opened the girl next to me. Her purse was almost in my feet and prevented me from deploying a posture of ultimate coolness to regale the crowd around us. The two young girls were in their early twenties, arabic type, elegantly dressed with makeup but losing points with common flat shoes.

Long story short, the discussion went nowhere, my low energy being probably one reason for it. It’s one thing to be comfortable where you are, it’s another to open with firmness and clarity in your voice. I learned that she was from Paris, and the other girl was her cousin from another country (didn’t ask where from, my bad) visiting her for the week…or more ? They were “catching up” because the first one worked during the week. I took that as a polite “fuck off” and leaved them to the contemplation of the Seine and its waves undulating under the setting sun.

I still lack some perfect state control. I can manage many situation but still feel a little puzzled when a set goes nowhere. Besides, a young and very thin guy later opened the same girl I talked to, with excellent results. The guy acted cool, wasn’t facing her, talked about himself (a little too much), his adventures in Paris (he was from another city) and she was fascinated.  So much so that when the cousin came back from the bathroom she was dismissed two times in a row when trying to talk to the girl. So much for the “catching up”…Rule confirmed, when it’s the righ guy, there are no rules.

In the meantime, a black guy joined to the second set of girls next to me. I have regrets and should have opened them, especially considering what they were going through with him. The guy was boring them to death with reflexions about the place of judaism in religions and things like that lol

While I was thinking of a simple way to rescue them, a third set of girls appeared near me. A sexy young girl with long hair and tight jeans, and her non smiling bitchy friend, who was obviously unhappy about…almost everything. She refused to offer a cigarette to the girl near me, who offered to BUY it. Her friend did, though with a bad vibe, preventing the atmosphere to seriously deteriorate. I tried to talk to her only to get cold short answers. I turned my back on them. The Seine view was definitely more interesting than those sad persons.

I stayed for the cruise, which is never a disappointment and finally decided to call it a day around midnight. No longer enthused by the people that night, even though an exceptionnally long line of people were waiting to enter the club as I left. Some running was waiting for me in the morning and I certainly intended to do better the next night.